going veg and your relationship........

i've been vege since 18 and every single one of my boyfriends, husbands (one ex), fiance's (i've had 3), have been omni. but all VFO. my current fiance is wonderful. we rarely have any animal products in the home and he rarely eats it when we go out. he really is not that into meat. he drinks milk though....that is one of the products that creeps me out the most!!!

my current husband is VFO but less than my ex husband was. I went veg while living with a boyfriend and he decided that we would do it together. But , then he would just sneak around with meat and other women and talk smack behind my back. Save a chicken:)

I was living with an omni at the time I went veggie. I don't think that my new food choices and corresponding outlook hurt our relationship per se, but I did get a lot of passive aggressive "joking" that I eventually had to call him on (which was unusual, he's one of the most straight up people you'd ever meet). In the end we'd just end up not really having much meat in the house, and he'd get his beefy fixes when he'd be out with the guys. To this day (we're friends now) he still likes to razz me a bit about it from time to time.

Well I went into a long term relationship with an omni being a vegetarian (we are now in the process of splitting up, amicably thank God). We were together for almost nine years, married for six, but there was a bit of a tension, but much of that might be our very different tastes on top of whole veggie/omni thing. This is just an N of one though, so take it as a data point and not anything definitive.

There are, however, what I call "veggie friendly" omnis (VFOs). I have lots of them as friends. These are people that, while they might enjoy meat on occasion, also do not turn their noses up at vegetarian and vegan food, and are extremely open minded. What does this mean? Okay, they can enjoy a good tofu dish -- sometimes they are in the mood for that instead of chicken. They still eat meat, but it is not the center of their culinary being. They might even understand that eating meat like most Americans do is environmentally unsustainable, and "cut back" and partake of it only sometimes. Meat is not an everyday thing for them.

Why do I mention the VFOs? Because I think it is _much_ easier to have a relationship with such a person. (My partner was not a VFO.) I don't think I could (I would not be with anyone who is not at least lacto-ovo), but I will never judge another person based on who he or she wants to date. However, I have found that culinary compatibility is a big deal in a relationship -- at least for me.

Well, I am not married, but I live in a community and have committed myself to that, and a community is about realtionships, so I guess I can give an answer :)

Yeah, it did have an effect. When I first declared that I was going to become a vegetarian, it took some preparation and courage on my part. I wrote out a three page reflection to explain my thinking and motivation, and hopefully to have some positive influnece, then I went away for a while to give everyone the chance to guess used to the idea. It all the same effect as throwing a grenade into the room. One person in particuliar was quite aggressive. Another asked me why I had to listen to my conscience????

Evntually, when I came back, the hardest time was the first day I reminded everyone of my decision, and let the dish pass me by. I was shaking, literally. Nowadays - six years later - it is accepted without any remarks or hassle, and my community even make different food for me if necessary, and eat my vegetarian dishes! However, it does cause an inner tension in me, especially when I see their indifference to some of the information I share.

I also have elderly members in the community so I feel obliged to buy meat occassionally, and to cook it for them. Refusing to do so would cause more hassle and tension than I am able to cope with, and I cant´force them to change a lifetime of habit. It is a compromise, I know, and I hate it, but I also have a commiitment to my community, which I took BEFORE becoming a vegetarian.

I hope that my presence prods their conscience and that one day they too will change... Meanwhile, I can say that becoming a vegetarian has changed things. It has brought a tension, an awareness, a sensitivity and pain into my life which were not there before.